How to Build Self Confidence (HINT: It has Nothing to do with Your Clothes or Your Looks)

How to Build Self Confidence (HINT: It has Nothing to do with Your Clothes or Your Looks)

Many of us want to know how to build self confidence - we appear to have it all together but seldom feel this way inside; we need to know how to build self-esteem the right way... a lasting way...

Tags: self esteem, self help, bible, significance, how to build self confidence, how to build self esteem

Knowing how to build self confidence first requires we look at what drives our feelings of self-worth. Then we may need to question those motivations and look for truth as the foundation for forward progress.

How to Build Self Confidence the Common Way

In society today, the appearance of success feels critical. The right clothes, the right car, the right neighborhood, the right college… it is all essential to “success” as defined by those around us.

You may notice that all of these ”rights” tend to be “right” as defined by others. We tend to define success and our own significance based on the perceptions of others. We look for the approval of others as affirmation we are achieving success.

Have you ever asked yourself why others’ opinions of you are so important? Why it is so important to be “right” by others’ standards?

The answer can get you into some very deep and profound truths quickly!

The NEED for Significance

The truth is that all of us have a deeply ingrained need to find significance.

When you peel back this onion, you will quickly realize how so many of our behaviors and attitudes are driven by this fundamental need. Our need to impress others can drive us to spend money we don’t have on fancy clothes. It can drive us to say “yes” to people to do things that we know are wrong, but gain their favor.

Furthermore, the need to find significance can drive us to addictions and relationships that are nothing short of destructive to the fabric of our lives. If you look closely, you will spot this theme all around you. For example, I remember watching a very popular movie called “Chasing Amy”. In short, Alyssa looks to Holden to fulfill her need for deep significance in their budding relationship. However, Holden chooses not to give Alyssa this gift based on disagreements about her past. Yes, the illustration is from Hollywood, but it is quite moving and quite profound to similar realities all around us... and maybe in our own lives.

Yes, the destruction for misguided attempts to gain significance in the world is severe.

How to Build Self Confidence a Better Way

The antidote for the destructive filter for finding significance that is rampant in our society is God’s design. There are two key points:
1. We were made by God to find ALL of our significance and meaning in Him and Him alone; and,
2. God, in choosing you to receive His saving grace before the beginning of time, cherishes you (Ephesians 1)

Have you ever wondered why each of us is so motivated to find some sense of significance? The answer is that we were designed that way. And not just that we were designed that way, but also that we were designed that way to fulfill our needs for significance through our relationship with Him.

The reality is that we were made by God to reflect His glory. All we do should be turned back to Him in praise. Doesn’t it make sense, then, that God wants us to find our own self-worth through Him? The gratitude of the “created” for the Creator should be foundational in our approach to life. His design has little to nothing to do with the thoughts and opinions of others (who are mostly broken in their own ways) and everything to do with His perspective.

Furthermore, beyond creating you, God chose you to be with Him in heaven. We say that so often that it can easily lose its meaning. But, I’d like to challenge you now to pause and think about this for a minute… how awe-inspiring is it that the Creator of the Universe chose you personally for a spot with Him in heaven? Does that make you feel important?


Of course, the hardest part of all this is getting it from “head to heart”. What is written here is true. Understanding God’s design in searching for and finding significance is a big first step. Now, however, you must imagine how you will find that significance in God rather than continually searching for it in other areas of life that will assuredly fail you.

I have two suggestions as I leave you now. First, I recommend that you continually read over the first chapter of the book of Ephesians. Reminding yourself of the great worth you have in God’s eyes should eventually push your knowledge into emotional connection. Second, I recommend that you pray for God to reveal this truth to your heart in deep and moving ways. A faithful prayer to God may not result in immediate results, but He will honor your prayers in due time, leaving you transformed and empowered.

In addition, you may want to check out this article to learn about the four cornerstones of high self-confidence.

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